My first ever roller coaster

My dad clutched my arm with fear. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well it all started on a nice summers day, when I decided to go on my first ever roller coaster. What made it even worse was the fact that it was the world’s biggest loop the loop. I stepped up onto the big roller cart, my knees were weak and my heart was thumping.  I plonked my bum down on the hard cold seat. Suddenly I saw this big metal thing go over my head and down to my belly button. “Was it a seatbelt?“ I wondered. I saw my dad on the side. He had nothing beneath him. As they started counting down I could feel my inside’s tighten. 3, 2, 1 whoosh! Off we go. I could feel the G forces holding me back. Then all of a sudden I remembered that once you started, you couldn't just say I want to get off now - you had to go for the the whole time. No! I gasped for air, my lungs were blown. I only blinked for one second and ahh! I was dangling out of the sky. My stomach felt like jelly .Oh no my bum slipped. Was I going to live!? I clutched my dad’s arm so tight I thought it was going to fall off. I stopped clutching my dad’s arm because I was scared it was going to fall off . We were nearly at the end when I heard a crack. ‘What was it?’ I wondered. I looked over at my brother and his finger was crooked . I kept  on yelling at him put it back in place!!! When we stopped Oscar got enough courage to pop it back in place. Pop! as soon as we got out of the seat
I said to my dad can we do it again.

For my cheeky writing I think my punctuation was multistructural because I used full stops and commas, but I did mistake some of the commas for full stops.
I was learning that when you use the bright sparks words, it made it more interesting. My next steps are to put the commas and full stops in the right place.


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